I guess when you finally realize that you are too old for things, in the end, it kind off makes you sad. I like the idea that I am growing up, but yet, I wish I was still young and carefree. Not worrying about bills, job, money, life and my future. When life wasn't about trying to survive, but trying to stay up as late as you can. When getting grounded was the worst thing that can happen to you on your summer vacation and having your dad let a boy call you was the hardest thing to accomplish.
When frizzy hair and pimples were the only thing you wanted to get rid off and having fashionable clothes was the thing you hope for the most. When placing your crushes photo next to yours, on your school binder, made you smile and wishing he asked you out was the thing you dreamed about. When boys occupied your thoughts most of the day and your friends were the only people who had your number.
When birthday parties and holidays were the only thing you looked forward to and holiday vacations consisted off spending all your free time outside. When the only time you were nervous was around report card time and during parent teacher conferences. When school projects were exciting and fun and a field trip was the highlight of the year.
When life went by slowly and steady. When all you had to do was to turn on the light when you were scared and your parents hugged you when you cried. When being an adult was a thing of the future and reaching it, was a long, long time away. When time didn't matter and rules were meant to be broken. When you didn't have to prove yourself to be accepted and gossip only lasted for a day. When you promised to be best friends forever and really meant it.
When destroying someone to gain something was only seen in movies. When falling off your bike was the only thing that caused tears and pain. When you could have trusted anyone and losing that trust was unimaginable. When someone lied to you, you just made them pinky promise to never do it again and everything was just as before. When you loved everyone and the only bad people who existed were the criminals behind bars.
When the world was perfect and freedom didn't cost lives on foreign soil. When newspapers were only read for the comics and the only thing you watched on TV were cartoons. When your classmates didn't die before their parents and bombs were special effects on Terminator. When the only time you heard a gun go off was during your video game and the only time you ran for your life was during dodge ball.
When rock, paper, scissors solved all your problems and the word hate was only heard to describe cafeteria food. When everyone was given a chance to lead and the choices you made mattered. When someone told you everything would be okay, it really would. When everything was guaranteed to last and second place was just as good as first.
I never thought I would think about how much better it was being a kid, but it was and I do think about it. Some how, I wish I can go back and stay being a child. I want to feel safe and protected everyday. I want my parents to be my only heroes and I want to believe that everyone believes in God and heaven. I want to think that good does exist in everyone and premeditated evil is unheard off. I want to pretend to be princess again and dream about my prince charming and his white horse coming and saving me. I want every story to have a happy ending and I want my life to be a chapter book, not a novel.
I want things that don't and won't exist. All I can do now is remember and hope that maybe, just maybe, the when becomes the now and for a day I can forget about me ever growing up. Then all I have to worry about is keeping the highest score during a game of tether ball and if I brought all my homework back. I guess when you realize you are too old for things, sometimes you really aren't.
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